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OK, sales people, here's the Three Secrets to Selling Properties Today. Memorize them and then shred this document. DO NOT let these secrets fall into the hands of competitors because the secrets only work if we use them first!

REMEMBER: always present the "happy face" we discuss each morning to the public and to the press, should any snoop around: there is no bubble, the "softening market" is simply a return to a normal, "healthy" market, and that appreciation this year will be "in the single digits." REMEMBER to say this with a sincere expression, i.e. no smirks or edgy, sweating bug-eyed panic. If this is not possible, continue practising a flat, monotone delivery.

SECRET # 1: Ignore the appraisal. Sure, we need this pie-in-the-sky guesstimate based on last year's top prices to justify the buyer's mortgage, but REMEMBER: the appraisal has no relation to the actual value. Use it only as a sales tool to show the buyer what a great "discount" they're getting.

SECRET #2: Drop the price 20% below last year's value if the property is $1 million or more, and by 10% for under $500K properties. Remember that Wall Street Journal article I showed you all about McMansions falling out of fashion; the seller only moved the property when he dropped the price from $1 million to $820,000 and threw in a big-screen TV and a lifesize statue of Spiderman. REMEMBER: whatever the starting discount, the price has to be 5% under anyone else's listing, minimum, with 10% under being "priced to move." You know the drill; inventory was 6,000 last year and now it's 40,000.

SECRET #3: Be the firstest with the mostest, or get out of the game. And you know what I mean--be the first to drop a price so that one of the few buyers out there will notice. REMEMBER: this means caving in to any and every buyer demand. Get your seller to deal with reality: this may be the only buyer not this month, but this year! If the buyer wants a new LCD TV, explain to the seller that this is chump change compared to not selling. A statue of Spiderman or Superman? Order one today! Take it out of your commish is necessary, but get the goldurn statue out front and get the buyer's signature on the bottom line.

We all know the pool of last year's sellers is today's shrinking pool of buyers. We either get to them first or we lose any hope of a sale.

So get out there and motivate the seller to drop $200K off their hoped-for price or you can forget the commish.

SHRED THIS DOCUMENT IMMEDIATELY.