Dear Aliens: Could You Please Stop Fooling Around and Take Over Earth?

June 28, 2023

Dematerialize all the "heroes" foolishly trying to get back control of Earth so they can continue killing, plundering, and destroying the planet and its many lifeforms for their own private gain under the guise of glorifying their ideology.

Dear Aliens: please stop playing footsie with us. Conquer the Earth and get on with it. We're tired of the hide-and-seek. Quit jerking around: take over the Earth and do what any experienced dominant power does in newly conquered territories:

1. Scrap all the tools of war and aggression in your new acquisition. The last thing a colonial administration needs is quarrelsome cliques creating needless mayhem. So scrap all the nukes, tanks, small arms, military aircraft, all of it, and punish those miscreants who pursue any aggression.

2. Transfer ultimate control from Earth's governments to your Federation, or whatever you call it. Like the Roman Empire, allow petty elites to continue running the day-to-day bits, but all the big decisions are yours.

3. Share whatever amazing energy sources you have and scrap all the coal-fired plants. Give us a leg up to 21st century technology so we can finally let go of the 19th century stuff.

4. Transfer all private and state wealth above family dwellings and household possessions to the Federation. Expropriating the wealth of elites ends destabilizing inequality in one fell swoop. This makes for much less troublesome administration of the colony.

5. Put an end to the destruction of Earth's biosphere and the plunder of its resources for private greed. In economic terms put an end to externalizing environmental costs, globalization and financialization.

Globalization's Few Winners and Many Losers (July 20, 2016)

6. Dematerialize all the "heroes" foolishly trying to get back control of Earth so they can continue killing, plundering, and destroying the planet and its many lifeforms for their own private gain under the guise of glorifying their ideology.

You may have other administrative goals, but by all means, start with these six.

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